I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
im six kinds of drunk right now
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Randomize
