THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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