i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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