Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
