is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
