; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
