Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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