I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
