glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
how drunk are you?
Several
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
