sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
