Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
