New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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