that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
