Don't make out with my wife yet
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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