Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
