Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
do herpes really smell.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
