I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just want nice things and good sex
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
