i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
