Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
