Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
