he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
