I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
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I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize