hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize