he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
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I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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