Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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