we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
