I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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