im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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