I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
pray to the hookup gods
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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