She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
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Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
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If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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