Banned from zoo.
Again?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
operation harelip BJ is a go
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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