she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
