Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
