I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
