hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
