Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
