i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
