I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize