At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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