I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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