but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
ttyl tear gas
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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