i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
