the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
