Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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