Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
