ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
