take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
