At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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