I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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