They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
