You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
