Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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