the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
