This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
