i think my tv is drunk
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I don't want my vagina anymore.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
