everyone is single if you try hard enough
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
