haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
