i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
