your thong is hanging out like whoa
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
