Soap is not a condiment
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
