My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
