here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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