and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
