I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
