He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
