I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We're too hungover to prance.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
