Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
